


Feel Like a Queen

by bleakstudent



Category: Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken | Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, ELIWOOD DRIFTS, F/F, Gen, M/M, Street Racing, also this is just memes im sry, eliwood is respecting women, florina and lyn are gfs who usually do time attacks on the mountain passes, hector drives on the expressway illegally fast
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-25 05:12:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12028860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleakstudent/pseuds/bleakstudent
Summary: Hector wants to know how fast his car can go. Eliwood wants to go home.





	1. Hector’s like Sonic but I don’t know how fast Sonic actually goes so the accuracy of this AU is minimal at best

**Author's Note:**

> this is fucking stupid im so sorry

If you gave Eliwood a dollar for every time he got dragged into something because of Hector, he’d be a very rich teenager. He only had himself to blame, but Hector pulled that “Eliwood, we are _blood brothers_ ” shit every time, can’t you see he has no other choice?

“Alright, Hector. Don’t look at me like that. What are you thinking of today, you big lug?”

Hector’s entire mass seemed to grin down at Eliwood. “We’re driving on the expressway.”

“ _You’re_ driving on the expressway,” Eliwood confirmed pointedly. “And?”

“We, in the immortal words of Sonic the Hedgehog, ‘gotta go fast.’”

The redhead paled. “I’m going to throw up.”

“Not in my car, you aren’t!” Hector guffawed good-naturedly.

Hector, in the fashion of the men of Ostia, drove an old car, insisting that they were sexier or some other thing Eliwood didn’t understand. Eliwood himself drove a respectable vehicle that he didn’t know the name of, but it ran fine and got him from point A to point B, so it was a perfectly good machine. Hector called his car his “fair lady Armads,” washed it every Wednesday, cried about how good she sounded (“Eliwood, dude, listen to her, she sounds fantastic”), has confirmed on multiple occasions that he would date his car, etc.

Eliwood asked his dad about it once. “Father,” he had begun hesitantly, “is it… normal for one to love one’s car as much as Hector loves his?”

Elbert had laughed. “It’s an Ostian thing. I remember both Uther and their father had the same fixation as young adults. Don’t worry about it, son.”

Firmly buckled into the passenger seat of Armads, Eliwood admitted to himself that Hector’s car was aesthetically pleasing. He would never go as far as to call it “sexy,” but it wasn’t a bad thing to look at.

As Hector drove onto the expressway, he glanced over to Eliwood. “Here we go, my dude. We’re gonna go fucking fast.” Eliwood swallowed. “Please drive carefully. I would not wish for my father to find I have died on the expressway.”

Hector slammed on the gas. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head; I won’t crash, on my word as your blood brother.” His hearty laugh did nothing to soothe Eliwood’s nerves.

“You… you dastard…” Eliwood considered just jumping out of the car. He might die, but he might also die if Armads touched literally anything else on the expressway.

“At this speed, it’s almost like everything else is in slow motion!” cackled Hector next to Eliwood, who clasped his hands together in prayer. _St. Elimine_ , he thought, _please deliver us out of this safely. I will sing your praises daily if we are to escape unscathed and uninjured_. Hector sped up again, and Eliwood inwardly pleaded, _St. Elimine, if you are listening, I also would not mind being struck dead_ right now _at this very moment_. Outwardly, he let out a high pitched scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u: tht's not proper eliwood & hector characterization 
> 
> me: [sweats]


	2. Eliwood is fucking dead but he's not actually dead because he can't die until FE7 gets a HD remake and that'll never happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Eliwood works at a gas station, and these kinds of things happen sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm stupid here's elihec

Somehow, Eliwood was coerced by Hector into working part-time at the local gas station. It was sometimes testing (why did Erik Laus drive all the way to the gas station when there was a perfectly fine one closer to his house in the northern part of town?), but he enjoyed it. Lyn stopped by once in a while to visit and fill up her car, and Eliwood himself got a discount on gas (which Hector probably appreciated more than he did). His mother probably preferred if he worked as a waiter in a restaurant or something more high class, but she didn't disapprove of his job and supported her son wholeheartedly. 

It was Saturday, which meant that it was the day Hector would drive Armads to the gas station and ask Eliwood to use his employee discount. It was also the day Lyn and Florina would drive down to Lycia from Sacae to meet up with Hector and Eliwood. As he waited for his shift to end, Eliwood's thoughts drifted from everything to nothing, and that was when Erik Laus pulled into the station. 

Startled by the sudden appearance of Erik's silver Ferrari, Eliwood hastily bowed and shouted a quick welcome. Erik rolled down his window, revealing a smugly haughty visage. 

"Fill her up. High octane," he demanded. Eliwood was pretty sure that was a line from the drifting anime Marcus liked so much, but he said nothing, instead moving to wipe down Erik's windshield. He hated cleaning Erik's windshield because he always seemed to leer at the red-haired gas station attendant. Eliwood was grateful that Erik's tank filled up quickly and sighed in relief as he firmly shut the tank's opening. Erik expressed his distaste for the price of gas, Eliwood restrained his urge to slap the other male across the face, and soon Erik was on his way. Running to the gas station's exit to bow and call out a thank you, Eliwood didn't see Erik's car until he was directly in the Ferrari's way. He reflected, _I guess this is how I die_ , a thought soon followed by _at least it wasn't in the passenger seat of Hector's car_. As he crumpled to the ground, he heard the sound of another car's tires turn into the gas station and the shouts of someone who sounded like Hector. 

Hours later in the hospital waiting room, Hector paces through aisles of chairs while Lyn stands, arms crossed, watching her friend mentally drive himself up a wall. 

"It's not your fault," she states, not unkindly. 

"I know, but-"

"Doctor said he'll be fine."

Hector stops pacing, then starts again. "I won't believe it until I see him with my own eyes." 

"You're a disgusting little man, you know that?"

"My friend Eliwood is dead," Hector mournfully wails to Lyn, who sees Eliwood walking down the hallway, seemingly perfectly fine. 

"Don't say that, Hector," Eliwood sighs as he approaches the two. 

"Sometimes I can still hear his voice," says Hector, which earns him a slap on the back from Eliwood. 

"You deserved that," mouths Lyn to Hector. 

Hector grimaces and began hesitantly, "Jokes aside, Eliwood…" 

"Yes?" the other teen answers, unsure what the other would say. 

"Are you really alright? I swear, if Erik really hurt you, I'll beat him up; I don't care if he's on the football team, I-" 

Eliwood laughs, cutting Hector off, and reaches out to place two pale hands around the stouter man's face. "I'm fine, love. The doctor even said that he hardly ever sees anyone walk away from a car accident and that I should be grateful that he wasn't going any faster. Just a few bumps and scrapes that's all, nothing serious." 

"Eliwood…" Hector gently takes one of the hands on his face into one of his own, bringing Eliwood's slim hand to his lips. 

Lyn sighs at the couple and texts Florina, "please pick me up at the hospital. no, i'm not hurt. i'll explain, just hurry" and gets a "??? On my way! :)" in response. 

"Alright, lovebirds, I'm out. Have fun and be safe," she waves goodbye. "Before you start protesting, I know exactly what I want you to be safe about. See you around."

"I swear, I'll smite her one day," mumbles Hector, face turning red as Lyn walks away. 

"Mmm, of course, love," Eliwood agrees, softly thumbing Hector's cheek before bringing his face down for a chaste kiss on the lips. 

Hector sighs, the most recent of many that day. "Be more careful, okay? The knowledge that it could have been much worse… I don't know what I'd do if you were seriously hurt." He begins to tear up.

"I know. I'm sorry." Eliwood wipes away Hector's tears and moves to kiss Hector on the forehead. "Please don't cry. I love you." 

Hector wraps the redhead in a warm embrace. "Please take care of yourself, darling."

Eliwood smiles. "Of course," he murmurs gently and kisses Hector again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i read over this like once and i switch tenses halfway through pwease no punchie


	3. Eliwood drinks his respecting women juice every day without fail and that’s why I believe that he’ll get a second FEH alt in the near future; in this essay, I will

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Hector and Lyn race to decide who has the bigger dick energy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im a dumb gay meme

Eliwood woke up to the very loud sound of Tom Jones’s “What’s New Pussycat?” being played (maybe) several times in a row from his phone, followed by one “It’s Not Unusual,” which he thanked St. Elimine for before looking at the screen, which prominently displayed the name "D A D D Y H E C C" (followed by various emojis that Eliwood didn’t necessarily approve of) as the caller ID. 

Eliwood promptly threw his phone across the room and put his hands on his face. He swore that he had changed Hector’s contact information to just “Hector” the other day. _How does he keep getting into my phone? I swear I change the password every week; how does this keep happening?_ The pale teenager bemoaned the fact that for the next few years, he would die of embarrassment whenever his boyfriend called or texted him. Every single time. 

As “What’s New Pussycat?” started up again, Eliwood sighed and gingerly walked across the dark room to retrieve his phone and answer Hector’s call. “Hector, it’s…” Eliwood squinted at his alarm clock. “…3 in the morning. This better be good."

“ELIWOOD, I’VE BEEN CALLING YOU FOR AGES! GET YOURSELF DOWN TO SACAE RIGHT NOW; THIS IS GONNA BE SO GOOD, AND I’M SO EXCITED, AND—” The volume of Eliwood’s phone, combined with Hector’s booming voice, absolutely decimated the poor redhead’s eardrums. Grimacing, the young man put his boyfriend on speaker and rapidly pushed the volume down button. _My ears_ , he mourned. 

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what for, Hector,” Eliwood replied gently. “It’s, and I repeat, 3 in the morning, and no, I don’t care that it’s the weekend and that being out late on the weekend is ‘valid’ or whatever it is that you and Lyn say nowadays.”

Hector laughed. “NONE OF THAT, ELIWOOD! I’M GOING TO DRIFT DOWN THIS WILD PASS IN SACAE; LYN AND FLORINA ARE HERE, AND WE’RE GONNA RACE! ELIWOOD, PLEASE! I NEED YOU HERE!”

_Oh no_ , Eliwood thought. “Hector, are you drunk? Please don’t drive while you’re drunk. I can be there in a bit, but don’t start without me, okay?” Internally, he wished that Hector would think a little bit more about the things he gets himself into. “Oh, St. Elimine… Hector, you’ve never even driven in that pass before!” Eliwood hurriedly changed his clothes and grabbed his keys. “Hector, this is stupid; Lyn and Florina know that pass like the back of their hands, and you… You haven’t even been to Sacae before today!”

“BELIEVE IN THE HEART OF ARMADS, BABY! GET DOWN HERE; WE’RE WAITING FOR YOU!” 

Eliwood thought he heard the voice of Kent in the background trying to convince both Lyn and Hector that the race was a terrible idea. _My heart goes out to you, Kent. Stay strong, my good man._ With a quick prayer to St. Elimine that everything would be fine tonight going into the morning, Eliwood was out the door and (debatably) ready to join his friends in Sacae. 

By the time the pale teenager drove up to the top of the mountain, Hector and Lyn looked about ready to have a fist fight in the middle of the road, only held apart by Kent, Sain, and Florina. Florina herself looked ready to bolt at any time, and, most likely, she would have been long gone if Kent had been any less watchful. As Eliwood approached, his two closest friends both shouted his name and glared at each other. _Wonderful_ , he contemplated, looking thoughtfully at Hector and Lyn. _Maybe if they spar, neither of them will want to have this race tonight, and I can drive back home and sleep._

Unfortunately, Eliwood’s wish did not come true. When he approached the pair, they lowered their fists and returned to only verbal arguments. As he watched the two in front of him bicker about why they were even racing in the first place, he looked over to the others gathered at the top of the mountain. Kent only looked back sadly and shrugged, Florina mouthed, “I’m sorry,” and Sain winked. Eliwood pursed his lips and returned his gaze to the Ostian and Sacaen. 

“And that’s why we’re racing,” Hector pronounced dramatically; it didn’t look like he realized that Eliwood hadn’t been paying attention, although Lyn squinted at him suspiciously. She probably understood not wanting to listen, in any case. 

“Fine,” Eliwood agreed amicably with a final glare in his boyfriend’s direction. “Hector, you’re challenging her on her own turf. Lyn, what are your conditions?” 

Lyn held out her finger. “One: Florina gets to be my navigator. Hector will probably want you in his car anyway.” She held up another finger. “Two: Kent and Sain follow us in your car. Before you argue, I drove them up today, and if they drive your old thing down the mountain, it’ll be more efficient in the end.” Eliwood hesitantly nodded his approval, and Lyn grinned wolfishly. “Of course, Florina and I will win. After all, I have the best navigator in the world!” In the distance, Florina blushed. 

“I’m going to make you eat dirt,” Hector growled, and the race was set. 

It was agreed upon that Sain would do the countdown before joining Kent in Eliwood’s car and following the others down the course. As Sain positioned himself in the center of the road, Hector whispered to Eliwood, “You know what they’re calling him now? The pussy-slayer of Caelin.”

That startled a laugh out of Eliwood. “N-no! Please tell me they’re not!” he wheezed out between chortles, bending over from where he was buckled in the passenger seat. “I thought that he was still calling himself a-an incel!”

“I guess he got some and stopped his ‘incel rights’ thing,” Hector chuckled. Eliwood’s peals of laughter were contagious. From outside Hector’s old muscle car, Sain looked displeased, either hearing their conversation or guessing what was being said. 

“Alright!” came Sain’s piercing call. “Countdown time!” he drawled, clearly eager to start the race—perhaps it was so that he wouldn’t have to listen to Eliwood and Hector call him an incel anymore. “Three… two… one… GO!” And with a wave of Sain’s hand, Hector’s car Armads and Lyn’s car Sol Katti sped off down the mountainside.

The race started close. Although Lyn and Florina had the advantage of knowing the course, Hector was a reckless driver even in the tight curves of the mountains. He didn’t necessarily _know_ how to drift, but he also wasn’t going to be afraid of something as small as a crash. A voice that sounded suspiciously like Eliwood reminded him that a crash at this kind of speed in these kinds of conditions could very well result in death. _A glorious death_ , Hector reassured himself. Next to him, Eliwood, who was originally already quite pale, seemed to have turned even more pasty, if that was even possible. Having only driven through this course in Sacae once or twice compared to Lyn’s numerous times, Eliwood could do little as Hector’s navigator—not that his nerves helped either. Driving with Hector was enjoyable when Hector wasn’t racing, or when Eliwood himself was behind the wheel: the speedy escapades of this night was too much for him to handle. He gagged in the passenger seat. 

“Hey, Eliwood,” Hector called out. “I’m gonna try to drift.” 

Eliwood’s heart stopped. “That’s terrifying. I thought,” he tried to reason with his lover, “that you were a grip-fucker for life and would never, in your entire life, drift, _ever_.”

“Too late!” Hector laughed as he spun the wheel. 

Eliwood thought he was going to throw up. As the car went around the curve, he screeched loudly. Hector guffawed into his ear, and Eliwood decided that the chance of him dying in Armads tonight was rather high. “Hector, I hate this!” his voice crescendoed above the shrieking of the tires. “Hector, that wasn’t even a real drift!” 

While Hector at been fixated on “drifting” around the turn, Lyn and Florina passed the two, cutting through the inside of the corner. Hector only saw Lyn’s sleek, green car in front of him after he went around the curve. “Fuck,” Hector cursed under his breath. “Those bitches.” 

Had it not been for Eliwood’s keen ears (or keen spite), Hector’s comment may had gone unnoticed, but Eliwood perked up at the driver’s words. “WE HAVE TO RESPECT WOMEN, HECTOR!” he loudly addressed the owner of Armads. 

Hector hissed. “If she breathes,” he paused for dramatic effect, “she’s a _thot_.”

Eliwood began to cry. “ALL WOMEN ARE _QUEENS_ , HECTOR!” By this point, he was sobbing: the terrifying, mindless recklessness of Hector’s driving had started it, but this utter disrespect for women completely decimated him, leaving him to weep openly and grieve that Hector would never be a cultured man who understood that _all women were queens_. 

Hector was too focused on the road to notice Eliwood in crisis and only gritted out, “Hang tight, darling, I’m gonna step on the gas.” 

_This is so sad_ , Eliwood lamented to himself. _Ninian, wherever you are, play “Despacito.”_ He felt obligated to remind the high-speed daredevil in the most poignant manner possible that the speed at which Armads was going was probably unsafe: the redhead indignantly squawked, “Hector, you’re already GOING TOO FAST!” 

Hector only clenched his jaw in response, as if willing Eliwood to look at the empty stretch of road in front of them, lit up only by the headlights of Armads. Lyn and Florina were already long gone. 

At the end of the course, Lyn and Florina got out of Sol Katti, having long passed the other car. The former stretched up, her fingers bending towards the dark sky glittered with the stars of the night. She chuckled, looking over her car to her timid girlfriend of many years, who admired the shining constellations above. Lyn leaned over the hood of the car, perching her elbows on the still-warm metal. After being confined to Caelin’s urban sprawl, it was nice to return to the empty lands of Sacae and be able to just _drive_ again. She’d prefer if she could just continuing driving without destination, but for now, she’ll settle for being able to attack the mountain once more. “Reminds me of the old days,” Lyn reminisced out loud. 

Florina turned and smiled. “Lyn? What brought this about?” The purple-haired girl placed her hands on the car across from Lyn, mimicking the latter’s position. Shyly, she reached up to brush a lock of hair behind her ear. Lyn gazed lovingly at Florina; she really was grateful for the other’s love and support throughout her recent familial complications. The night she had first met Florina, she had found the slim navigator at an observation deck off in the mountains of Sacae, looking out towards the horizon. When she had heard the soft crunch of Lyn’s footsteps, she was ready to run into her car and drive off; there was only one reason someone stopped someone else in wee hours of the morning, and that was to race. Florina, though the younger sister of two famed street racers, had no wish to truly race against anyone else, entirely satisfied with just doing her own time attacks on the mountain passes along with navigating for her sisters when they drove in the passes. Lyn never challenged Florina to a race and simply stood next to her and offered to listen to her woes. Eventually, the two did race against each other. Lyn remembered getting out of her car after the race, eyes shining with admiration and adoration; Florina’s smile that night shined brighter than the moonlight. 

And now that wonderful, beautiful woman was her navigator and long-term girlfriend. Lyn climbed onto her car in front of the windshield, holding out a hand for Florina to join her. Florina leaned for a soft kiss on Lyn’s cheek before pulling herself onto the hood, using the outstretched hand as leverage. The two leaned in towards each other on Sol Katti and looked up at the stars, shining brightly down on the two lovers. Together, they waited for their friends to join them at the end of the race.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know cars


End file.
